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Jordana; Dana
16 August 2009 @ 09:24 pm
A/N: Yet again, LJ cut desperately hates me. This stems from what is now in my life. Enjoy my misery, served cold on a digital platter. :]
 

is it possible to mourn what never was? yes.

[I think, I like her again. A little.]
[Hmm, again? I thought you said you didn't like her anymore.]

[I don't know. I'm going back and forth, do I like her, don't I... I like her... just a bit.]

[Ah... That's good!]
 
Conversations I'd rather not have,
you're breaking my heart.
 
 
 
 
 

Their relatioshipfriendship consists of one or two actual face to face meetings, wherein hanging out came in the form of movies she's seen before; she's there to interpret Angels and Demons for her best friend and him, he who is between her and her best friend (in so many ways that it just isn't funny anymore).

Her best friend later confides that his hand almost intertwined with hers during the movie; she thinks, that's why her best friend asked questions out of the blue, about scenes that were really easy to understand. Slowly, it begins.

She texts with him, back and forth like on a see-saw. He calls her smart, intelligent, makes her feel worth a lot of things that she hasn't exactly felt before. Never, in fact.

He's the first guy to make me feel this way
Happy, with a palpitating heart
Smiling, hands clutching a glowing cellphone
Wishing, that maybe, just maybe--

 
The first time he admits he likes her best friend, she feels almost nothing. Just a slight twinge of her heart. Of something she feels that maybe, she should regret? She pushes past it and eagerly takes on the role of Ms. Matchmaker; after all, she lives to see the people she cares about happy, yes?

[I'm willing to wait for her.]

[Wow, that's awfully mature of you.]

[Haha. Well, she's really worth the wait.]
[You're really going to wait for her?]

[Yeah. If she'll give me the chance, I'll go for it. Do you think I'd still have a chance?]

[...Yeah, definitely. You're a great guy, who wouldn't want you?]

He then texts her a week later, out of the blue.

[i don't like her anymore]

[are you sure?]

[yup.]
 
[but, you still want to be friends?]

[of course.]
As wrong as it is,
for a moment there,
a chance hung in the air.
It floated in front of me, taunting me to take it.
To keep it as my own.
I couldn't decide.
I left it, to hang in the air around me,
minutes, hours, days.

It disappeared.


He likes her again. She felt her heart do more than a twinge this time. She felt it crack. She felt it break. She felt it ache with a sharp sting of what could have been, for what she didn't even have. How can you mourn something that was never yours? Could have been, maybe. ALMOST.

Hearing that song, Almost, makes her want to cry and bawl her lungs out until there's nothing left of this burning fire that consumes her heart. She feel idiotic, inane; why is she feeling so hard for something that was never hers?
 

I can almost feel...
I could have felt...

Yet I can't bring myself say,
that I SHOULD have felt.

Would he have felt the same way?
Or would I just be the eternal bridge?
Replacement for a person he think he might not have a chance with.

Just a friend.

[What will you do now?]

[Just go with the flow.]

[So, it's definite, right? You like her.]

[Just a bit. Yeah...]
[Do you think I have a chance?]

[Definitely. You're perfect.]


 
Perfect. Just not for me.

 
 
What I'm Feeling: drained
What I'm Listening to: battlefield by Jordin Sparks
 
 
Jordana; Dana
16 August 2009 @ 07:21 pm
1. being without company [LONE]
2. cut off from others [SOLITARY]


it's not about what is wanted, but what is NEEDED. )

 
 
What I'm Feeling: determined
What I'm Listening to: I Hate You - 2PM
 
 
Jordana; Dana
07 April 2009 @ 07:21 pm
Fin.  
final call. )



Hmm. I don't know how I feel about posting this up. I mean, I feel very disappointed in myself for writings something so... bland. Forget about it. The internet provides a cloak of anonymity and maybe my shame won't be so clear? [UGH, LJ CUT HATES ME SOMETIMES, I SWEAR.]
 
 
What I'm Feeling: disappointed
What I'm Listening to: Prelude 12:21 - AFI
 
 
Jordana; Dana
23 March 2009 @ 09:35 pm
words were never meant to be this useless. )

 
 
What I'm Feeling: empty, apathetic.
What I'm Listening to: the sweet sound of moments.
 
 
Jordana; Dana
08 March 2009 @ 01:56 pm
 
Wrote this in a creative impulse. Took me about ten minutes, give or take the moments where I stopped and paused to figure out where the hell I was going with this.

Enjoy~ (LJ cut just hates me right now, it just won't work. HELP?)


 
 

I love you.

don't bother flying without those wings;
dear, you'll break a lot more
than my heart.

you'd fall and crash,
just as I did,
when our breaths and hearts first came into sync.

i remember;
cigarette ashes stained fingers,
slowly, surely rubbing the inside of my wrist.

nicotine tasting lips,
a euphoria caused more
than the shared carcinogens.

eyes bruised just below, ever so
never leaving mine
never breaking contact, closer and closer.

husky, low voices
rustles of paper, they fly like angels
land on the floor, dainty and quiet.

i wondered--
silence me once more,
brush them out, they fall to the floor.

up, up, up,
away from now to nevermore;
your breathing in tune with mine,
the papers from your desk stare at me,
guilting me, imposing and white.

dawn breaks and you fly.

my heart's still with you,
tucked in your back pocket;
like an after thought.

pause, rewind, play.

it's night;
the city is blind.
we're back to square one.

I love you too. lies.
 
 
What I'm Feeling: whatever.
What I'm Listening to: the sound of silence.
 
 
Jordana; Dana
13 August 2008 @ 08:14 pm
Made another one for one of my besties, Nicholette. I think I'm improving my skills at photoshop, hopefully? X ]
She loves Donghae and is a big fan of Yuri, so this is what came out of it. I plan to make a bookmark and a header/banner of the two, hopefully they'll come out looking good.

So enjoy, and tell me what ya'll think~  <3♥ Peace.
 
 
 
Jordana; Dana
10 August 2008 @ 02:43 pm
Did this after watching old vids of Heechul's visit to Chunji. Love Sunny so this is what came out of it, other than me messing around on Paint.NET. Sorry, not the best person at photoshop, but I tried.

Enjoy~ <3

 
 
What I'm Feeling: excited
What I'm Listening to: Marry U by Super Junior, 3rd Coast cover
 
 
Jordana; Dana
24 July 2008 @ 08:28 pm
NO CLASSES TOMORROW~ WOOT WOOT!!! X ]
I love Independent Learning Day. 3-day weekend, anyone? ; ]

I've decided to post the essay I've written for English Lit. class today,
where we used an inspirational quote from the novel, Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Somehow, during the writing process it got a little bit more personal than expected,
but what the hell, tell me what you think when you read it?

Oh yes, and Mme. Pepito really is my target audience, if you're asking DENISE.
Thankies Ranga, for editing and the wonderful comments.
I so love you despite the whole freaking over the whole plagarism thing. ; p

So I hope that you LJers out there can read and hopefully enjoy my essay. You guys make my days with comments, so yeah... ♥<3

 
 
What I'm Feeling: accomplished
What I'm Listening to: My Immortal by Evanescence
 
 
Jordana; Dana
17 May 2008 @ 10:29 am
There is something to be said about wanting to see the good in people.

Cholette has taught me a very important lesson, as reluctant as I was to learn and accept it.

Yesterday, we were chatting, talking about Super Junior and SNSD as usual. I asked her if she had watched one of their older shows, Super Junior Super Adonis Camp. She did and because of it, she is on a 'break' from Super Junior...

Well, from liking LeeTeuk at least. She's deleted all her pictures of him and changed her picture in YM. Oh but she hates KangIn. That hasn't changed.

After hearing her out, both through chat and through the phone, I've come to understand that even idols like Super Junior, have their bad sides and faults.

Although what I heard about them in the Super Adonis Camp is more of borderline cruel and just not right. Cholette told me that LeeTeuk said something like, "I'm so annoyed by her to the point I want to stand up and hit her."

Okay, I can see that the girl was annoying and a bit strange. But she's still a girl. I mean, to want to stand up and hit her? Seriously, she's a GIRL. That just screams something about his true self, how he really is. And that was just one of the things Cholette told me about LeeTeuk that really turned her off.

Don't get Cholette started on KangIn. She can and will rant about him for as long as she can. The basic thing is that he's too much of a jokester, who doesn't take into consideration the feelings of others... Not having a single sensitive bone in his body.

To me, it seems that KangIn doesn't really know how to convey his affection towards his dongsaengs or sunbaes... So he jokes around, and the ones he picks on the most is the ones he cares about a lot. Twisted as it is, it makes sense.

But again, Cholette has a point. Joking around is fine and all, but if it reaches the point of really hurting someone, then that's just crossing the line. No wonder Cholette hates him with such passionate fury.

All in all, Cholette has really opened my eyes to Super Junior. Not only that, she has taught me to see more than just the good in others. To evenly see and accept the good and bad sides equally.

I've been viewing people through rose tinted glasses. I force myself to always see the good in them, because I'd rather be blissfully ignorant of their faults and continue to see only the good.

As hard it was for me to accept this about myself, I've finally come to terms with it. Thanks to Cholette, I can now really open my eyes and see everything that there is about a person. Nothing assumed, nothing biased. Thanks to a friend like Cholette, I can see someone for who they really are, the sides which are the beautiful and the ugly, the blessed and the damned.

I'm thankful to have Cholette, and many others like her. Friends are there to teach you, to help you grow. You do the same for them. I want to be like that for Cholette and all our friends.

Cholette, if you ever read this, thank you.
 
 
What I'm Feeling: grateful
What I'm Listening to: "Thank You" by Super Junior
 
 
Jordana; Dana
18 April 2008 @ 05:30 pm

   
"...And they all lived happily ever after..."

From my childhood to this very day in my life, Cinderella has always been my favorite fairytale. There was something about tiny singing mice that made me fall in love with that movie. Of course, you must include the True Love factor. I remember watching the movie when I was younger. I remember the rush of emotions that went through me when Cinderella and Prince Charming first meet, as it was love at first sight. I remember the sigh of complete content that escaped me when they lived happily ever after. That was my favorite Disney moment. When the story ends, there will always be a happy ending.

There will always be that Prince Charming who searches for his true love, a single glass slipper as his only clue.

There will always be Aladdin with his magic carpet to whisk you away, to truly show you A Whole New World.

There will always be the Beast, cold and uncaring on the outside, but turns out he has the biggest heart of all.

There will always be Eric, despite having amnesia, he will always know that you are the One.

There will always be Prince Philip, willing to fight against a fire breathing dragon to give you true love's kiss.

During those Disney filled days, true love would reign, always and forever. There was no such thing as heartbreak in the Disney dictionary.

I grew up with my fantasies, hopes and dreams of meeting my own Prince Charming. To find the One who would sweep me off my feet, whom I would instantly know as my true love. I surrounded myself with that protective bubble, that bubble of dreams and wishes that I so wanted to be.

Sadly, reality broke through my perfect bubble. In real life, there are very rare happily ever afters. There are even rarer Prince Charmings.

There aren't any love at first sight moments that take your breath away.

There aren't any amazing acts of love that make you swoon.

There aren't any singing animals that tell you to Kiss the Girl.

There aren't any riding off into the sunsets.

They are all fake.

All a dream. A wishful fantasy that is just there for you to wish for. Nothing more. What I believe in now, is completely different from what I believed in before. Reality has taught me not to be so naive. Not to expect my happy ending, especially not to wait for my Prince Charming to come and get me. Reality has taught me to value my innocence while I still can, before the world comes barging in.

Now, I know. There aren't any real princes. There aren't any real true love at first sight moments. Love is something that I do not understand. My views on it are confused, twisted between the fabrication of the Happily Ever After and the harsh truth that true love may not actually exist.

Ask me, anyone about love and you will not get a clear answer. Love differs for everyone in this world, depending if you're still in your bubble, or if you've stared reality in it's scarred face. But there is one thing I'm sure of.

Love is a beautiful. Love is amazing. Love is tragic. Love is miserable. Love is painful.

Love is a feeling that you cannot describe.

I want to find love. Not true love, not happily ever after love, just love. That should be enough.


    "...The End."

Tags: , ,
 
 
What I'm Feeling: Not giving up the search
What I'm Listening to: "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World
 
 
Jordana; Dana
06 April 2008 @ 09:28 pm

Officially, I am in love with dance movies.

You know what I'm talking about. Those great movies that have amazing soundtracks and unbelievable dance moves. I just recently bought a DVD of Step Up. And up till now, I am in total, complete, unimaginable awe.

I watched my first dance movie when I was younger, around the age of six or seven when I could fully comprehend what I was viewing. It was entitled Center Stage. It was a story that followed these young dancers who entered the American Ballet Company, in hopes of fulfilling their dreams, to be able to be accepted into that prestigious company.

Of course, it showed more than some beautiful dance routines. It had drama, love triangles, issues with eating disorders in order to attain that perfect body which being a prima-ballerina entails.

But still, the moment I watched that movie, I fell in love with it. So began my interest in dance movies.

Though my memories of my childhood have more holes that Swiss Cheese, I remember next watching You Got Served. That made me worship and appreciate street dancing, with break dancing, krumping, popping and locking, all that stuff. I fell for it, hard and fast.

Ever since then, I've been watching dance movies again and again. Old ones, new ones, whichever.

Honey, Stomp the Yard, Take the Lead, Stomp, Step Up...

Now, after watching Step Up, I'm dying to watch it's sequel, Step Up 2 The Streets.

The movies just came out last February 14th in the US and it's already been shown in Manila. I'm hoping that I can watch in the theaters soon. If not, there's always the option of waiting for the DVD to come out.

Or, simply buying a pirated copy which are coming out in stacks everywhere.

Although I might just do the latter, maybe I can wait for the former. If it means that I get the original DVD, with a guaranteed clear quality, then hey, it's worth every day.

So I end my post. If anyone's got any good dance movies worth watching, please share. I'd be happy to view. ;)
 
 
What I'm Feeling: enthralled
What I'm Listening to: "Bout' It" By Yung Joc feat. 3LW
 
 
Jordana; Dana
04 April 2008 @ 11:38 am
 
 
What I'm Feeling: Inspiration Strikes
What I'm Listening to: "Never Say Goodbye" by JoJo
 
 
Jordana; Dana
03 April 2008 @ 06:11 pm
Recently, I've been hooked on the local idols, watching the different movies, tv shows/dramas from Asia, specifically from Japan, Korea and Taiwan. It has become my obsession, let's say that it has become my OCD.

It all started with my friend, Joanna [AKA Jina, [info]se_jinblue] who got me interested in Akanishi Jin, which eventually got my curiosity in the band he's in, KAT-TUN, which lead on from there to other bands/units, until I got really obsessed with Johnny's Entertainment and basically everyone in it. Right now, I'm seriously favoring KAT-TUN and NEWS as my fave groups with Arashi coming close to second. This is just what I've heard, but it's a bit of a turn-off for me that Matsumoto Jun is "arrogant".

From then on, I wasn't SO obsessed with it, but I did just have a faint interest in it. Then, one day this summer, I was watching ABS-CBN, when the Taiwanese drama version of Hana Kimi caught my eye, so much that I watched the entire series, plus the Japanese version, in Crunchy Roll.

That got me so hooked again, like an addict. Seriously, when I was watching Hana Kimi Taiwan, it was all I did for about a week. The first thing I did when I woke up was to turn on the computer and the last thing I did before I slept was to turn it off. From there, I began to explore the different people who are so famous in places like Japan and Taiwan.

As I've said before, JE and mostly everyone in there has become my OCD, but Fahrenheit and SHE are my occasional addiction, especially Wu Chun and Ella Chen, the lead actor and actress from Hana Kimi since they both look so damn cute together!

Right now, I'm currently crushing on the members of KAT-TUN and NEWS. Seriously, those guys make my heart stop. This lead to my interest in Kame's drama, Sapuri, which I'm currently watching. Afterwards, I plan to watch Nobuta wo Produce which stars both Kame and YamaPi, and it includes the lead actress from the Japanese version of Hana Kimi, Maki Horikita.

Please, if anyone has any suggestions for dramas, movies, tv shows to watch, I'm completely open! ;)
 
 
What I'm Feeling: giddy
What I'm Listening to: "We Can Make It" by Arashi