Log in

i cry myself to sleep; you're my insomnia.

i'm your unburnable bridge

A/N: Yet again, LJ cut desperately hates me. This stems from what is now in my life. Enjoy my misery, served cold on a digital platter. :]

is it possible to mourn what never was? yes.

[I think, I like her again. A little.]
[Hmm, again? I thought you said you didn't like her anymore.]

[I don't know. I'm going back and forth, do I like her, don't I... I like her... just a bit.]

[Ah... That's good!]
Conversations I'd rather not have,
you're breaking my heart.

Their relatioshipfriendship consists of one or two actual face to face meetings, wherein hanging out came in the form of movies she's seen before; she's there to interpret Angels and Demons for her best friend and him, he who is between her and her best friend (in so many ways that it just isn't funny anymore).

Her best friend later confides that his hand almost intertwined with hers during the movie; she thinks, that's why her best friend asked questions out of the blue, about scenes that were really easy to understand. Slowly, it begins.

She texts with him, back and forth like on a see-saw. He calls her smart, intelligent, makes her feel worth a lot of things that she hasn't exactly felt before. Never, in fact.

He's the first guy to make me feel this way
Happy, with a palpitating heart
Smiling, hands clutching a glowing cellphone
Wishing, that maybe, just maybe--

The first time he admits he likes her best friend, she feels almost nothing. Just a slight twinge of her heart. Of something she feels that maybe, she should regret? She pushes past it and eagerly takes on the role of Ms. Matchmaker; after all, she lives to see the people she cares about happy, yes?

[I'm willing to wait for her.]

[Wow, that's awfully mature of you.]

[Haha. Well, she's really worth the wait.]
[You're really going to wait for her?]

[Yeah. If she'll give me the chance, I'll go for it. Do you think I'd still have a chance?]

[...Yeah, definitely. You're a great guy, who wouldn't want you?]

He then texts her a week later, out of the blue.

[i don't like her anymore]

[are you sure?]

[but, you still want to be friends?]

[of course.]
As wrong as it is,
for a moment there,
a chance hung in the air.
It floated in front of me, taunting me to take it.
To keep it as my own.
I couldn't decide.
I left it, to hang in the air around me,
minutes, hours, days.

It disappeared.

He likes her again. She felt her heart do more than a twinge this time. She felt it crack. She felt it break. She felt it ache with a sharp sting of what could have been, for what she didn't even have. How can you mourn something that was never yours? Could have been, maybe. ALMOST.

Hearing that song, Almost, makes her want to cry and bawl her lungs out until there's nothing left of this burning fire that consumes her heart. She feel idiotic, inane; why is she feeling so hard for something that was never hers?

I can almost feel...
I could have felt...

Yet I can't bring myself say,
that I SHOULD have felt.

Would he have felt the same way?
Or would I just be the eternal bridge?
Replacement for a person he think he might not have a chance with.

Just a friend.

[What will you do now?]

[Just go with the flow.]

[So, it's definite, right? You like her.]

[Just a bit. Yeah...]
[Do you think I have a chance?]

[Definitely. You're perfect.]

Perfect. Just not for me.


1. being without company [LONE]
2. cut off from others [SOLITARY]

it's not about what is wanted, but what is NEEDED.Collapse )


final call.Collapse )

Hmm. I don't know how I feel about posting this up. I mean, I feel very disappointed in myself for writings something so... bland. Forget about it. The internet provides a cloak of anonymity and maybe my shame won't be so clear? [UGH, LJ CUT HATES ME SOMETIMES, I SWEAR.]

My hearts screams what my mouth won't say.

the one night stand that won't leave.

Wrote this in a creative impulse. Took me about ten minutes, give or take the moments where I stopped and paused to figure out where the hell I was going with this.

Enjoy~ (LJ cut just hates me right now, it just won't work. HELP?)


I love you.

don't bother flying without those wings;
dear, you'll break a lot more
than my heart.

you'd fall and crash,
just as I did,
when our breaths and hearts first came into sync.

i remember;
cigarette ashes stained fingers,
slowly, surely rubbing the inside of my wrist.

nicotine tasting lips,
a euphoria caused more
than the shared carcinogens.

eyes bruised just below, ever so
never leaving mine
never breaking contact, closer and closer.

husky, low voices
rustles of paper, they fly like angels
land on the floor, dainty and quiet.

i wondered--
silence me once more,
brush them out, they fall to the floor.

up, up, up,
away from now to nevermore;
your breathing in tune with mine,
the papers from your desk stare at me,
guilting me, imposing and white.

dawn breaks and you fly.

my heart's still with you,
tucked in your back pocket;
like an after thought.

pause, rewind, play.

it's night;
the city is blind.
we're back to square one.

I love you too. lies.

Muse: Donghae and Yuri

Made another one for one of my besties, Nicholette. I think I'm improving my skills at photoshop, hopefully? X ]
She loves Donghae and is a big fan of Yuri, so this is what came out of it. I plan to make a bookmark and a header/banner of the two, hopefully they'll come out looking good.

So enjoy, and tell me what ya'll think~  <3♥ Peace.

Poster/Graphic Art

Did this after watching old vids of Heechul's visit to Chunji. Love Sunny so this is what came out of it, other than me messing around on Paint.NET. Sorry, not the best person at photoshop, but I tried.

Enjoy~ <3

Little Rag Doll

I love Independent Learning Day. 3-day weekend, anyone? ; ]

I've decided to post the essay I've written for English Lit. class today,
where we used an inspirational quote from the novel, Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Somehow, during the writing process it got a little bit more personal than expected,
but what the hell, tell me what you think when you read it?

Oh yes, and Mme. Pepito really is my target audience, if you're asking DENISE.
Thankies Ranga, for editing and the wonderful comments.
I so love you despite the whole freaking over the whole plagarism thing. ; p

So I hope that you LJers out there can read and hopefully enjoy my essay. You guys make my days with comments, so yeah... ♥<3

Reluctant as it is, Thanks.

There is something to be said about wanting to see the good in people.

Cholette has taught me a very important lesson, as reluctant as I was to learn and accept it.

Yesterday, we were chatting, talking about Super Junior and SNSD as usual. I asked her if she had watched one of their older shows, Super Junior Super Adonis Camp. She did and because of it, she is on a 'break' from Super Junior...

Well, from liking LeeTeuk at least. She's deleted all her pictures of him and changed her picture in YM. Oh but she hates KangIn. That hasn't changed.

After hearing her out, both through chat and through the phone, I've come to understand that even idols like Super Junior, have their bad sides and faults.

Although what I heard about them in the Super Adonis Camp is more of borderline cruel and just not right. Cholette told me that LeeTeuk said something like, "I'm so annoyed by her to the point I want to stand up and hit her."

Okay, I can see that the girl was annoying and a bit strange. But she's still a girl. I mean, to want to stand up and hit her? Seriously, she's a GIRL. That just screams something about his true self, how he really is. And that was just one of the things Cholette told me about LeeTeuk that really turned her off.

Don't get Cholette started on KangIn. She can and will rant about him for as long as she can. The basic thing is that he's too much of a jokester, who doesn't take into consideration the feelings of others... Not having a single sensitive bone in his body.

To me, it seems that KangIn doesn't really know how to convey his affection towards his dongsaengs or sunbaes... So he jokes around, and the ones he picks on the most is the ones he cares about a lot. Twisted as it is, it makes sense.

But again, Cholette has a point. Joking around is fine and all, but if it reaches the point of really hurting someone, then that's just crossing the line. No wonder Cholette hates him with such passionate fury.

All in all, Cholette has really opened my eyes to Super Junior. Not only that, she has taught me to see more than just the good in others. To evenly see and accept the good and bad sides equally.

I've been viewing people through rose tinted glasses. I force myself to always see the good in them, because I'd rather be blissfully ignorant of their faults and continue to see only the good.

As hard it was for me to accept this about myself, I've finally come to terms with it. Thanks to Cholette, I can now really open my eyes and see everything that there is about a person. Nothing assumed, nothing biased. Thanks to a friend like Cholette, I can see someone for who they really are, the sides which are the beautiful and the ugly, the blessed and the damned.

I'm thankful to have Cholette, and many others like her. Friends are there to teach you, to help you grow. You do the same for them. I want to be like that for Cholette and all our friends.

Cholette, if you ever read this, thank you.